Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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