i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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