Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
