He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
