i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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