you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
