the condom got lost in my hair
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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