remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
