i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My feet surprised me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
