Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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