I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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