it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
