my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize