Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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