when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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