She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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