i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
