Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
