standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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