her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
