My hand turned me down
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
