im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
