There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Also, beer. Big fan.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
