she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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