why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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