I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
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Do I have a choice?
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Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
