Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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