It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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