I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
