Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
