to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
