I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
