I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
