And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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