Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
