before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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