I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
