Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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