Cold hands, warm shart.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
