Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
