look no pants
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
that is very illegal...i love you.
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