thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
