I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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