So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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