He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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