after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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