that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
