You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
