The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
