he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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