Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
