Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
