Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
