Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.