I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had