that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
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PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
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I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?