so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
