I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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